I am a member of a lot of Asian American groups on Facebook. One of the biggest topics in these groups is the WM/AF (White Male/Asian Female) phenomenon. Something I see often is Asian women calling out white men for having an Asian fetish. I'm going to turn it around on Asian women because I'm getting frustrated reading complaints and articles about this topic. I'm also noticing a pattern from the women that post about it.
Every time an Asian woman complains that only white guys want to date her and that white guys fetishize Asian women, it usually turns out that she herself has only dated white guys. Interesting how that works, right? You can go ahead and say it's ok for these women to have a preference but what about the guys? Why is it a fetish for them but not the other way around? Why the double standard?
Here are my theories:
1. Asian women experience a much greater amount of social acceptance in a white-dominated society than Asian men, specifically lighter-skinned East Asian women.
2. Asian women have been societally influenced to think that white men are more attractive than Asian men because western media has emasculated Asian men.
3. Certain Asian women just don't want to admit that they have white guy fever so they put the blame on the dudes.
Since the day you were born, different influences on your mind – the bedtime stories your parents read to you, the cartoons you saw as kid, the school you went to, the movies and shows you watched – have come together to create a cohesive image of the world.
While many Asian women I've had this debate with want to call me out by saying it shouldn't be a problem if someone has a preference, I would like to argue that the same way we are trying to remedy the idea that only white models and actors are attractive via greater representation, we need to do the same in our personal lives. Many times, the same women who make these complaints about white men having an Asian fetish are the same women who decry the lack of diversity in media, business and politics. I'd like those women to zoom out and take a look at their own personal choices.
*I am aware that there are some white men who have an Asian fetish. I am not defending them nor am I saying that they don't exist. This post explores a different part of the narrative that I don't believe is discussed enough.
**Resources: If “interracial dating” isn’t influenced by white supremacy, why does it imply a white partner?
I was asked to write a public statement about the overwhelming response to this blog post. Read it here.
Recent Posts
I usually do a write up of the events I’ve organized or hosted and my most-read articles at the end of the year. This was an unusual year (obviously, there is no need to go into it here) so I didn’t bother. Instead I want to highlight a project of mine that I am particularly proud of — it’s my new podcast show, Unverified Accounts, that I cohost with my frequent collaborators, Chris Jesu Lee and Filip Guo. If you're a big movie/TV/book buff, have leftist sympathies, but can't stand 'wokeness' dumbing down our culture, then we're the podcast for you. So far in our 25 episodes, we’ve covered a range of contentious topics.